Freedom at Fifty - A Weighted Celebration

As the clock struck midnight, 2025 was birthed with a few champagnes, a splash in the pool and an exhilarating feeling that 2025 was going to be my year. I was filled with anticipation and excitement for one significant reason: I was about to turn fifty. With nine months to prepare, contemplate, and reflect on this landmark birthday, I realised I had never looked forward to any birthday quite like this one. There was something about 50. Half a century! An accomplishment and celebration of wisdom, success and a newfound freedom.   

But as the universe had it, it turned out to be the most challenging year I have ever faced. Trials and tribulations, teenage mental health and some serious scary events had cast a shadow over my anticipated celebration.  The weight of these trials shifted my perspective on life and forced me to confront the reality of what it means to be alive. The choices we make, the struggles we endure, and the grace we find in resilience. Each challenge echoed in my mind, blending sorrow with reflection, and nudging me to appreciate the fragility of life. I found myself navigating the duality of joy and heartache, and it became an eye-opening reflection on just how unpredictable life can be.  

Despite the heaviness in my heart, one of the most liberating aspects of this journey has been my newfound freedom from the weight of external judgement. In my earlier years, I often found myself preoccupied with what others thought of me - how I looked, my choices, my lifestyle - yet this year, those noises in my head faded into the background. The difficulties within my family continue to teach me to focus on what truly matter - my well-being, that of my loved ones, and living authentically without giving a f***  

Turning fifty has brought with it a profound acceptance of my physical self, intensified by my experiences this year. As I navigated the emotional turmoil surrounding my loved ones, I learned to appreciate my body for its resilience. It has carried me through moments both joyful and tragic, and this understanding has cultivated a deeper self-love. Rather than lamenting physical changes, I have celebrated each minute detail as a testament to my strength and perseverance.  

The menopause journey over the last couple of years have travelled congruently with the approach to being fifty. It is a phase marked not only by physical transformation but also emotional rebirth. The ups and downs of my body mirror the challenges I face with my loved ones. The struggles I faced during the first few months of menopause have improved my resilience and armoured me to view this emotional landscape as an opportunity for growth. I’ve learned to embrace vulnerability and allow myself to feel deeply, processing both struggles and triumphs with courage.   

I find that my gratitude for life has only deepened. Each day reminds me of the beauty of existence - the moments that have shaped my journey and the people who are part of my story. The heartache has imbued my appreciation for small blessings. I wake up eager to engage with  

life and savour each moment, knowing that the preciousness of our time together is paramount.  

The journey to fifty has nudged me to reflect upon my accomplishments. I celebrate not only my personal achievements but also the resilience I've demonstrated while navigating life’s challenges. Each hurdle has become part of my narrative - each setback a testament to the strength and perseverance that have characterised my life. Fifty feels like more than just a milestone; it’s a testament to our capacity to rise, to adapt, and to embrace life's unpredictability. Perhaps the most powerful realisation during this tumultuous year is the emergence of a new-found fearlessness. The hardships faced have instilled within me a renewed sense of courage to confront not only my challenges but to embrace life as it comes. There have been moments I have wanted to run away and ignore the pain.  I’ve had to step back from work, from pursuing my dreams to give the tiny strength I had left to the ones needing it most around me. Stepping out of my comfort zone has become my comfort zone. That is empowering, in itself. I've found the courage to have difficult conversations, connect more authentically with my loved ones, and embrace every opportunity to support those in need.  

And as the year draws to a close, I embrace fifty with a renewed sense of purpose and a deeper understanding of what it means to truly live. This year has tested me beyond measure, yet it has also illuminated the importance of freedom - freedom from judgment, fear, and self-doubt. Turning fifty is not the end of something, but the beginning of a vibrant and dynamic chapter where I mindfully choose to embrace every moment. It’s a time to reflect, to celebrate resilience, and to recognise the strength within myself and my loved ones. Ultimately, being fifty is a call to live authentically and fearlessly, to cherish the moments of joy, and to navigate the trials with courage. Fifty is an age rich with opportunity, wisdom, and the beautiful chaos of life. That is freedom at fifty.